My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My feet surprised me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
