why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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