smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
