Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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