I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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