Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
