My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
