wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
