cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
