I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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