remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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