I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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