The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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