Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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