Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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