I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
