So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
