You're my little dorito
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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