I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
