Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
