Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He passed out mid-signature
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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