broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
