I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
