I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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