I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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