Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
