At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
