i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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