I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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