Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
