your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
