This girl is more easily done than said...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
