Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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