So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
