i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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