Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
