So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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