I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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