She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
