I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
