he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
