I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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