We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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