Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
