Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
