I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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