We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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