I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
