i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she told me i tasted like america
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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