He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
