sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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