Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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