cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
