Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
