i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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