Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
