All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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