Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
