She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
