So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
