two words: eviction party
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
