i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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