I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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