so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
