its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
