I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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