I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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