Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
