he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
