i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
