can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
