I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
