A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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