I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
