Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize