Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
