my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
