I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
