I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
