dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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